fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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