toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
