somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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