This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
