I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
