so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
