She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
