I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
