i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
