Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
