I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
