they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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