$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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