my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
