Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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