Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
