It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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