Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
