I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
