oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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