$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
