Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
