You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
