we're chasing vodka with high fives
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
