Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
