I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
