I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
