Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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