You can't special order awesome
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
