he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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