would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
