Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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