He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
