my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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