Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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