Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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