i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
