I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
