You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
