He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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