I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
