What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
