just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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