He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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