she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
