Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
