You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
