I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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