no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
