kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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