I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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