1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
