Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
