u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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