Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
