I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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