Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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